“A fine glass vase goes from treasure to trash, the moment it is broken. Fortunately, something else happens to you and me. Pick up your pieces. Then, help me gather mine.” ~ Vera Nazarian
Recently, a friend of mine went through some incredible life changes that have battered her spirit. In a six-month span, she was hospitalized following a lengthy illness, fired while hospitalized, became the part-time caregiver for her ailing grandmother, lost a brother to suicide, became homeless and was fired from a second job. Any one of these things could threaten to knock down another person, and yet she is still hanging in there with hope for her future. She has what I call a resilient spirit.
But sometimes, I know she wonders if there’s anyone else who has ‘been there’ and I assure her that yes, there are. I am one of them. As I’ve shared before, life has handed me cancer, a job loss and the death of my son. Unfortunately, we will face unexpected valleys and mountains, both of which can be tough to travail in their depths and heights.
Most assuredly, I want my friend–and you–to know that you are not alone. No matter what you are going through, someone else has already gone through the same thing. And what you want to do is find those people, open up to them with your story, and let them share how they survived and came through the other side. The important thing is the sharing of these stories.
You might be too ashamed, overwhelmed or closed into yourself to let others know what you’re going through. But once the truth is out there, it will set you free. It will allow others to help set you free. And it will allow you to grow from the experience so that when it’s your turn to help another person through a similar event, you’re ready. You will have hopefully received enough healing to have moved into a place where your heart and mind are ready to share comforting words of advice.
It’s amazing how many people feel alone in this world. We are the only known planet in our universe to inhabit life, we’re surrounded by 7 billion people and yet we can still experience loneliness. To me, this makes it abundantly apparent that loneliness is a state of the spirit. Have you ever heard someone say they are ‘lonely’ in their marriage? Or that despite how many people they have around them, they feel ‘lonely’? It’s a tough concept to grasp but this feeling has everything to do with how a person perceives themselves internally. A lot of it has to do with a person’s internal dialogue which can send messages such as, ‘If this person knew me, they would not really like me” or “I can’t talk openly about my feelings.” So they shut down, clam up or simply freeze when it comes to opportunities for having a healthy relationship.
I can assure you that the sooner you become an authentic person, opening up your heart and mind and sharing your intimate thoughts and feelings, the sooner you will stop feeling alone. Part of it has to do with the fact that you will find people who love you in spite of anything you’ve done, or that life has brought to you. You will also find that intimacy just feels good—it’s pure, honest, heartbreaking and healing.
Intimacy allows you to separate the wheat from the chaff, so to speak. When you start becoming real and going deep, there are going to be people who simply can’t or won’t be able to go there with you. And that’s okay. Go there anyway because until you do, you won’t find out the incredible truth which is the fact that you are not alone. People want to find you and help you, and all you have to do is let them.